remember always.

1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds. Don’t make other people try to read yours. Communicate.
2. Be polite, but don’t try to be friends with everyone around you. Instead, spend time nurturing your relationships with the people who matter most to you.
3. Your health is your life, keep up with it. Get an annual physical check-up.
4. Live below your means. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Always sleep on big purchases. Create a budget and savings plan and stick to both of them.
5. Get enough sleep every night. An exhausted mind is rarely productive.
6. Get up 30 minutes earlier so you don’t have to rush around like a mad man. That 30 minutes will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness, and other unnecessary headaches.
7. Get off your high horse, talk it out, shake hands or hug, and move on.
8. Don’t waste your time on jealously. The only person you’re competing against is yourself.
9. Surround yourself with people who fill your gaps. Let them do the stuff they’re better at so you can do the stuff you’re better at.
10. Organize your living space and working space.
11. Get rid of stuff you don’t use.
12. Ask someone if you aren’t sure.
13. Spend a little time now learning a time-saving trick or shortcut that you can use over and over again in the future.
14. Don’t try to please everyone. Just do what you know is right.
15. Don’t drink alcohol or consume recreational drugs when you’re mad or sad. Take a jog instead.
16. Be sure to pay your bills on time.
17. Fill up your gas tank on the way home, not in the morning when you’re in a hurry.
18. Use technology to automate tasks.
19. Handle important two-minute tasks immediately.
20. Relocate closer to your place of employment.
21. Don’t steal.
22. Always be honest with yourself and others.
23. Say “I love you” to your loved ones as often as possible.
24. Single-task. Do one thing at a time and give it all you got.
25. Finish one project before you start another.
26. Be yourself.
27. When traveling, pack light. Don’t bring it unless you absolutely must.
28. Clean up after yourself. Don’t put it off until later.
29. Learn to cook, and cook.
30. Make a weekly (healthy) menu, and shop for only the items you need.
31. Consider buying and cooking food in bulk. If you make a large portion of something on Sunday, you can eat leftovers several times during the week without spending more time cooking.
32. Stay out of other people’s drama. And don’t needlessly create your own.
33. Buy things with cash.
34. Maintain your car, home, and other personal belongings you rely on.
35. Smile often, even to complete strangers.
36. If you hate doing it, stop it.
37. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.
38. Apologize when you should.
39. Write things down.
40. Be curious. Don’t be scared to learn something new.
41. Explore new ideas and opportunities often.
42. Don’t be shy. Network with people. Meet new people.
43. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you.
44. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven, and likeminded.
45. Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive.
46. Drink water when you’re thirsty.
47. Don’t eat when you’re bored. Eat when you’re hungry.
48. Exercise every day. Simply take a long, relaxing walk.
49. Let go of things you can’t change. Concentrate on things you can.
50. Find hard work you actually enjoy doing.
51. Realize that the harder you work, the luckier you will become.
52. Follow your heart. Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires.
53. Set priorities for yourself and act accordingly.
54. Take it slow and add up all your small victories.
55. However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. Accept this simple fact.
56. Excel at what you do. Otherwise you’ll just frustrate yourself.
57. Mature, but don’t grow up too fast.
58. Realize that you’re never quite as right as you think you are.
59. Build something or do something that makes you proud.
60. Make mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and move along.

the perfect life?

at this very moment, life is perfect. i don't think i could have asked for a more perfect schedule. i currently have wednesdays and saturdays off. and while it is hard to fit in weekend trips, when i don't need the full weekend to do things i love having a day off in the middle of the week and on the weekend. i usually get bored by the second consecutive day off so this schedule is perfect for me right now. and typically, by wednesday i'm completely over seeing my co-workers.

today as usual, i've done everything on my to do list to avoid doing the last item--finishing my financial aid application. i just have one more profile/application to fill out but i can't get myself to open it up. i've perused countless fashion blogs (cupcakesandcashmere.com to be exact for at least 2 hours now), spent time stalking on facebook, and updated my planner. i just can't get myself to do this last thing. other than completing my list of things-to-do, i have had the most relaxing day. i woke up insanely early at 6am thanks to my work schedule. i went for a run, found the perfect mushroom-asparagus risotto for dinner with my returning loves, laid out by the pool, caught up with mindy (who was also laying out at her pool) and planned a lunch at a cuban cafe for wednesday. i also painted my nails and cleaned my bathroom. i love clean bathrooms and the smell of windex.

lately, i've been dying to go to new york. looking at my schedule i don't know if i'll have time or money to go but hopefully my planned trips to sf--two, to be exact--in the next couple of months will suffice. if you know me you also know i love to plan things. so next on my list is a vegas trip, an otero suite 203 girls reunion, and a going-away party. wee! happy may!

things i have learned.

so this is coming from a place of procrastination and a slight bit of welcomed boredom.

my year off has been pretty significant to me in ways that most people will never know. for me, i just wanted to document the things i have learned that i don't think i would have if i didn't take a year off from school.

1. i am emotionally stronger than i thought but i am not immune to emotional breakdowns.
2. this year has taught me to keep pushing myself. it took alot for me to go through the application cycle again without any guarantee that i would even get in anywhere but i'm so glad i did.
3. i have learned to budget, manage, and save my money more. i am one of the lucky few who have not had to rely on student loans for my undergrad but i know i am looking forward to being almost $160,000+ in debt after school. i really wanted to test myself and see how much money i could save. i have successfully saved almost $3,000. woo!
4. hard work will always pay off.
5. i will really miss dancing.
6. i love my parents so much. alot of family and family friends my parents' age are starting to croak. and i know this is a little morbid but every time i hear about another death or terminal illness, the first people i think about are my parents and what it would be like to lose them. it makes my stomach turn every time. i hope that whatever income i make as a pharmacist will allow me to take care of my parents.
7. i am really excited to go into pharmacy. i know my current job gives me a taste, but it's become a little robotic. i know i'm good at what i do but i'm looking for something different. i know i don't want to go into retail immediately--maybe, clinical work or pharmaceutical research. i know there's so much more to learn and i can't wait. i feel beyond blessed that i've found a job and a career that i love.
8. i miss studying and learning.
9. i am attached to my life in irvine. it hurts a little to think about letting it go.
10. my friends back in simi valley aren't the same anymore & i don't know if i fit in anymore.
11. patience is a virtue.
12. "if you don't have anything nice or worth saying, don't say it all." my mom has told me this over and over again and i've applied it more this year than ever before.
13. i don't work well with lazy people.
14. sometimes i take myself too seriously.
15. i still have some letting go to do.
16. i am still scared to live alone.
17. i don't know how i ever lived without tea and coffee before.
18. i've been thinking about going into some area of teaching or management after i get my Pharm.D
19. i don't have good luck with cars so i've decided i need to live in a place where public transportation is accessible.
20. i am excited for a wardrobe change--both in a casual and professional sense.

i love oprah.

"The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be. Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you. The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become. Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure." -Oprah.

i am going to be a pharmacist.

i feel like this last year has been the ultimate test of my patience. i am not the type of person who likes to wait for anything. actually i take that back, i can handle waiting for my food, my hazelnut latte, or holding on the phone for a prior authorization representative to help me with a patient's insurance problem. but life-changing decisions, i'm not a big fan of waiting for those. i've had moments of complete weakness and self-doubt that maybe this wasn't meant to happen but now the wait is finally over and i can finally breathe a little. i am going to UCSF SCHOOL OF PHARMACY in september. i cried for a good five minutes when i opened the letter. i really tried to imagine how i would react if i got accepted or rejected and this is definitely not what i imagined. i just cried and said OH MY GOD repeatedly at least 100 times. the call to my parents after was filled again with many "oh my gods" and "is this really real?" i don't know if i'll really believe this is real until i am actually there.

it's times like these that make me appreciate all the things around me. every time i think about how unreal it is that i will be going to ucsf and moving to san francisco i get overly excited and do a little happy dance inside my head. but my happy dance is also followed by a wave of sadness because there is alot i'm leaving behind in irvine and simi valley. my family, my friends, my returningloves, my KM, my pharmacy. it's alot and i know there is a bigger future for me in sf but there is a bittersweet sadness that lingers whenever i just take a moment to take everything in.

this year off has taught me so much. it could be a whole other post and i will save that for another day. but for now all i can say is that i am beyond content with life. nothing can top this feeling and i thank God for this opportunity. i just feel really really blessed. i don't know if anybody questions this but how is it that this can happen to me (or you)? like it sounds really selfish of me to even question but for the most part i've gotten everything i've ever wanted. i've been told by alot of people that i have "the perfect life." i really don't believe that i have the perfect life. but one thing i do believe is that hard work does pay off. and to me, this is just another example of hard work paying off. a very surreal example--somebody pinch me.

to add to all this good news, the cole haan bag i've been saving up for months now is finally on sale, such perfect timing it's bananas. it will be my gift to myself.

homebody.

today i literally spent all day in bed. i didn't really get out of bed until about 6 to clean my room a little bit. and i only left it around 1 to make some food. after the craziness of last week i feel like i'm allowed to be this lazy and enjoy the "me" time i so missed out on last week. today was the perfect day to catch up on all my tv shows, watch sex and the city the movie for the 15th time, and satisfy my every little craving brought on by the lovely pre-menstrual cycle. it was also the perfect day for alot of thinking. i usually hate being left alone with my thoughts but today was so needed.

i spent monday night with an old roommate and friend. it's always fun catching up with mindy because i know she always has a good story to tell and hot man stories to share. she is living the single la life i could only dream of. i don't think i would ever have the balls to pull off half the things she can but i love her more for that. in any case, she shared her fortune cookie that she got one day that read "behind every able is man is another one." for some reason it really resonated with me and it left me with some sort of peace or hope that everything will be ok. the reality of the situation with me and anthony is that we weren't meant to be. we have become two very different people and i'm happy to say that i can let that part of me go now. i am genuinely happy for him and he deserves someone that will make him happy.

so it may have been the fact that i watched sex and the city again but i swear everytime i watch the movie i get inspired by the fashion. i also spent part of the day going through a couple different fashion blogs and i can't even begin to tell you how inspired i felt from all the different design aesthetics. its like this secret little happy place in my heart that comes alive from beautiful clothing, art and design. if i didnt love science so much i would love to explore the world of fashion. once i am settled financially, i dream of having a closet as fabulous as carrie bradshaw's.

this blog is all over the place. but so are my thoughts today. and i don't apologize for that. today i thought alot about my km newbies. our year as the newbieloversof09 is over. i love my class. i look forward to every time we get to hang out and share a meal together because i know it will always include laughing so hard it hurts, good food, good company, and good talks. if i could only show you my mental list of pros and cons to auditioning again for km you would see my class in bolded caps at the top of the pros list. i would not have made it to the end of this year without them and the thought of not being there with them in the future breaks my heart a little bit. so for now i have decided to audition again in hopes of keeping our class together for as long as possible.

my chocolate cravings are out of control right now.

works in progress.

i am pretty bruised and sore and it's only day 2 of practice. the set is starting to look amazing already. it blows my mind the level of talent and choreography on this team, even to this day. the set is definitely a work in progress and it seriously is some of the best choreo i've seen from our choreographers. but anyways, i just felt the need to blog and tell something or someone that i am happy. happy with where i am at this very moment.

i may not be in happy in a couple minutes when i head to work and it's guaranteed to look like a bomb went off, but i am happy. my days are challenging but they are so worth it at the end. when you work this hard, you seriously get the best sleep. the h1n1 vaccine is killing our store but i am hoping this is just because the vaccine is new and everyone is trying to work around the set protocol i put in place. everyday i just try to think of any way to make the administration go smoother but that too is just a work in progress.

many things at the moment are a work in progress. the preparation for my interview is a work in progress. i am dying to get my hands on the outline of the health reform bill, but all i can find are small articles with minor details and reminding me of the fact that the bill is close to 600+pages. i am ready to jump back into learning and reading and studying. i miss it.

i hate to rub it in people's faces that i am happy, especially if they're not. but this is the kind of happy you have to tell someone about. 2010 you're proving yourself to be a good year. time to kick some ass at work. =)

finally feel like me.

so much has happened this year. it's almost too much to account for all the ups and downs but i am beyond ecstatic to be ending this year on an up. 2009 has been a year that i've learned alot--alot about myself, where i want to go in life, and what makes me happy. this year has been somewhat of a roller coaster. started the year with pharmacy school interviews, waitlists, acceptances and rejections. spring and summer brought kaba modern, spop royal year, and one of the best summers of my life. and finally the end of this year has been the struggle to transition to full-time work, living on my own, re-applying for pharmacy school, and being truly single. i'm learning to rely on myself, as i've been pretty emotionally dependent on my family and others for most of my life. for the last 3 months i've kind of been in this funk where i haven't felt completely like myself, but i think that's finally over. i'm starting to feel like me. a different me, but a better me i hope. i know i have alot more to learn but i am so thankful for this year off. i love my job more and more. &i can't wait to see what this industry has in store for me. i want to learn everything about it and just soak it up like a sponge. there are some days when i can't stand some of my co-workers, but at the end of the day i still love my job. i couldn't see myself doing anything else. the upcoming year brings on a second chance at the biggest interview of my life so far. february 12 2:30pm can't come any sooner. at work, it brings on the administration of the H1N1 vaccine provided completely by the county. i am responsible for all the insurance and government billing. as for dance, we are starting a brand new set for VIBE XV and i am so excited to be able to compete with KM. this may be the end of my dance career, and as i've told the team this is the best way i can imagine to go out.

i am so ready 2010. happy new year!

free write.

it's been awhile mr. blog. i almost don't even know what to write about or where to start.

i know that right now i'm in this weird phase of my life. not really knowing what's next or where i'm headed. maybe a rough patch? i don't know. it's not all bad. it's become more clear recently how much i really want to go into pharmacy. what aspect of it i'm not sure 100% sure, but my 8 hours days in the pharmacy everyday have assured me that this is what i want to do and where i need to be. i've also learned i like to teach. we've been having pharmacy technician students who go to these vocational schools come do their externship hours and it's part of my responsibility on their first couple of days in the pharmacy to make sure they know what they are doing. i have some hopeless students but there are the ones that slowly but surely start to get it. and just knowing that i helped along the way feels good and if they show some potential, we might even put in a good word for them to get a job at a CVS somewhere. i've kind of assumed the role of lead pharmacy technician at our store with jane on maternity leave and it's nice being able to solve all the complicated insurance rejections and deal with our tough customers. i especially enjoy seeing our regulars come in and not even have to ask their DOB or telephone numbers. i love being able to help a customer that is sick or in pain and be able to get their meds out quicker than expected. i love surprising customers without insurance with discount cards and coupons to save them money. i love spending hours on the phone with insurance companies working on prior authorizations and seeing that my hard work pays off and that the medication is covered. that is why i love working in the pharmacy. i really really hope and pray that ucsf works out this year. i want this so bad.

something that is changing or has changed is dance to me. the more that things become more clear as to what i want to do with my life, the more blurred my other so-called passions have become. i don't know if i want to come back to km next year. it's something i've been struggling with for the past couple of months now that the year is almost over and it's time to pick new coords. it's just been lingering in my head. i've made a list of pros and cons but i haven't made a decision yet. it's almost too complicated to explain. i do know that i love this team and every single person on it--especially my newbie class. that i know without a doubt. but dancing has changed for me and it hasn't felt the same in a long time. so january&vibe is a big deciding factor as to whether i decide to audition again or not. maybe this is all just a part of growing up?

lately i've learned that i did make the right decision in staying in irvine. that i do know. so many times since i've decided to stay i've thought about moving back home to simi. partly to retreat from the big, scary real world and all its responsibilities but i know that i can't. it's overwhelming at times but i need to prove to myself that i can do this. life is too different at home now. i love my friends back at home but we've grown apart too much. it's nice to see them and reconnect every once in awhile, but i don't think they get or understand me nearly as well as the friends i've made in irvine. recently, i took a trip to vegas with some of my closest friends. and it was seriously one of the best trips of my life. i could go anywhere with them and have so much fun. it was the simple things that meant the most about that trip. the company, the meals prepared together, the conversation&laughs we shared. i hope to have trips like that more often. i'm hoping to plan a trip to san francisco&napa sometime between christmas and new years. i really do love my friends. they're amazing. they might not know it but they're helping me get through this rough patch.

&without getting into it too much, i'm single. i don't think i'm ready to date, but i'm not closed to the idea. i just want a cute boy to take care of me. haha :)

it's time to go to work. and make more money to pay for the damage of my retail therapy.

i'm a big girl now.

i will never have my parents support when it comes to dance. i don't think they will ever understand what dance means to me and how much i need it in my life. i told them today about my audition for clipper girls and a part of me expected some sort of support but instead i was met with "whys" and "why do you think you need to do that?" i tried telling them that i want to make use of what is looking like a year off before pharmacy school. i refuse to just work and let 16 years of dance disappear in a matter of a month. i know they don't understand why i dance and it is hard for them to be supportive, but for God sakes i am an adult now. its so hard to hear my dad say "why didn't you just major in dance in college?" when clearly that was never an option when i applied for college. they made it very clear that i was going to college for a "real" degree. i don't regret not being a dance major because i know things worked out for the best. i am blessed to have accomplished and experienced what i have and i wouldn't change that for the world. i just wish they took my determination to never limit myself and saw it in a positive light rather than see all my extracurriculars as a waste of my time.

so tomorrow, i will dance because i love to dance. with or without my parent's support.

reflection.

it's graduation season & it signals the end of a great four years at uci. i have lots to be thankful for. and numerous people to thank for getting me to where i am today. the good times in otero, suite 203, my 3 years on the uci dance team, spop (gold year & ___ year), kaba modern, the funniest &most amazing roommates ever mindy chen &jenny tran, actually completing my b.s. in biological sciences a quarter early, researching at the uci medical school, working at the pharmacy & fashion island, tutoring the most adorable 5-year-old ever...the list goes on and on but i feel so blessed and honored to have had this college experience. i am so grateful to the friends that i have kept from high school and for the ones i have made in college.

i just have so many beautiful memories of these last four years and having spop to top it off this summer is one of the best ways i could think of to part with this campus. one more opportunity to give back to this campus that has shaped me into the person i am today. coming back as a returner is truly a unique experience and i am so lucky to be a part of this year's returners. collectively, they are such a special group of people and i am lucky to be one of them. i can't wait for summer!!

i still really don't know what this summer or the future holds for me at this point. i am still waiting for news from ucsf but i am planning for the future in terms of re-applying. i was a little disappointed when i asked the ucsf director of admissions for advice in terms of re-applying and things i could work on. he basically told me i was well-qualified as i am on the waitlist and the school would be happy to have me but that it was a matter of space. if only ucsf took 136, not 122. so far i am #12 (having moved up 2 spots from #14) but things are looking kind of grim right now with how slow the list is moving. we get another update next week but to be honest, i kind of don't care anymore. i got my hopes up way too high with the last round of updates so i don't want to go through that disappointment again. if it's meant to happen this year, it will happen. for now, i just want to re-focus my energy on my application and any possible way to make it better. i can't believe it's that time of the year again but now i know i'm ready to better handle this emotional rollercoaster of pharmacy school applications. i know what to expect and i know what's coming my way so i think i'll be okay this time around. if there's anything i've learned through this whole process is patience. God works in strange ways. it's getting better, i swear.

but really to all my friends, new and old, i can't thank you all enough for entering my life and making it that much better :)

rest in peace.

rest in peace, grandma priscilla.

i'll always remember your love for dessert because i think i've inherited it. i always remember when we would drive cross country and you always had to have your secret stash of hershey's kisses. we would always eat them without my parents finding out how many we actually ate. i'll miss listening to you play your piano and hum outrageously early in the mornings when we were home in the philippines. i love& miss you always.

moving forward.

"Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up." --Grey's Anatomy

i don't care that no one watches the show anymore. i still do and i still get the warm and fuzzies.

spring break has come and gone and it was definitely a much needed break. a little bit of a rollercoaster because i heard back from ucsf and touro. i was waitlisted at ucsf and i am #14 on the waitlist and i was accepted at touro. it was such a bittersweet day because the letters arrived on the same day. the end result was a tearful cry to my mom to just vent and let it all out. it was a mixed emotion of sadness, disappointment, failure, and exhaustion. the last 6 months of waiting hell will continue for 3 more months. at any moment, they could call and i could have a spot in the class of 2013. but the waitlist will stay open until the first day of class in september so really, it's just more waiting and staying positive...at the time the letters came i had this sense of "i don't think i have it in me to re-apply" and i was thinking really hard about going to touro even though i hated my visit during my interview. but giving myself a week and a half to really think it through, i've decided to defer my acceptance at touro and wait it out at ucsf. i feel like i've come so far and got so close and i've realized where i really want to be that i'm willing to wait it out for the summer or even wait a year and re-apply. the process is seriously draining, but i feel like my application has gotten stronger and i know i can tighten my essays and maybe retake a class to show ucsf how bad i want this. i applied to ucsf without giving much thought to my essays because for me, i thought it was a longshot so knowing i have a chance this time around makes me want it even more.

so now it's just time to pick up the pieces and work even harder. my focus right now is on re-applying because i can't just sit around sulking about the waitlist--it just won't do me any good. i went through my little trauma. i got a little messed up but now it's time to step up and move forward.

& i'm going to have a spfamily to look forward to. :)

uci alumni.

i'm done! &it's the best feeling ever. :)

it's closing time.

it's been one hell of a month.

today was the last day of my undergraduate education. it was rather anticlimactic. i envisioned running out my class with a big smile on my face, perhaps jumping for joy--but no. my classes are done but i still have finals to conquer. i haven't been doing as well in my classes as i'd like but with everything going on i can't help but slack a little.

i interviewed at touro university &it didn't go as well as i hoped either. the campus lacked the energy and life that i felt at ucsf. i'm really hoping and praying for the best at ucsf. at this point it really is my only option. this application process has been such an emotional rollercoaster and i don't recommend it for the light-hearted. although, i do i think it's made me a stronger person. rejection is definitely tough but it's made my skin that much thicker. if i got an interview at ucsf, something is telling me that the #1 ranked pharmacy school in the nation saw potential in me to become a pharmacist one day. i'm just trying to stay positive about everything and i won't give up no matter what. i believe God has a plan for me and now, the rest is up to Him.

in the midst of all the pharmacy school rejections, i've accomplished two goals i set out to accomplish at the end of last year--kaba modern and spop staff returner! this year is truly turning out to be an amazing one and i don't know how it could get any better. kaba modern is a dream come true. honestly, to be surrounded and to learn from all the talented dancers on the team has been such a humbling experience. at times its been a struggle trying to pick up choreo and clean my ballerina body, but i'm starting to get the sense of what they mean when talk about the team as "family." our debut performance as the 2009 team is tonight and i'm more excited and nervous than ever. SPOP is also just around the corner. it's unreal that it's been a whole year since GOLD YEAR. i was on the fence about doing SPOP again this summer for different reasons but opening that e-mail sent that energy and passion through me all over again. i'm ready for a family, a hubby, a new color, a new set of freshman.

this year has been truly amazing so far and i can't imagine where it will go from here. if there was one thing i could change, it would be the lack of my parent's support. they don't want me in irvine for the summer. they would rather have me at home working, but to me moving back to simi valley would be taking two steps back from where i'm headed. i know it will save them money, but if i move back home i will sit around and do alot of nothing and i won't let that happen. i have 3 months to start saving up to pay everything on my own. i want to prove to them and myself that i can do it. if there is a will, there is a way. i just want their support and approval in everything i do and it just breaks my heart that i won't have it this summer. i know this might sound like a selfish statement, but it's just my rationale. i just feel like i've worked really hard my last 4 years and i've even saved them $3000 by graduating a quarter early so i feel like the least they can do is support me financially for three more months. so if anybody has a couch available this summer, i might need it.

up&DOWN.

i hate being alone with my thoughts. its dangerous for me.

it's going to be a rough week. i received rejections to ucsd (felt it coming) and to uop. uop was a hard rejection to take because it was up there on my list of realistic pharmacy schools to attend. but i just have to see it as it wasn't meant to be and i wasn't supposed to end up there. i know god has a plan for me, so i'm resorting to prayer and i am going to leave it in his hands. i have one last chance at getting an interview at usc so i am very nervous. but for now, i need to really focus on my ucsf &touro interviews.

on top of it all, km auditions are this week. &i'm officially, completely overwhelmed. and bloated.

the sick-to-my stomach, don't want to move or do anything feeling aka my slight depression that i got after sending in my applications is starting to creep back. but i'm trying hard to push through this rough patch. i know it will all work itself out in the end. i have to believe it will.

just breathe, regina. breathe.

la.

i really want to move to la or sf or ny so bad. it almost hurts.

cingulate gyrus

cingulate gyrus- n. located in the sheep brain dorsal to the corpus callosum, involved in the motivational aspects of behavior.

please, cingulate gyrus work! i need some serious motivation. but seriously, i do <3 my neurobiology lab. i've been slacking more than i've ever done in my life and it makes me feel grosse, crazy, and slightly out of control. it's so bad that i parked my car in an AR reserved spot to avoid the uphill walk from mesa parking structure to steinhaus hall and i got a well-deserved $60 ticket! i'm just completely annoyed with myself and my laziness and now i'm starting to pay for it. maybe i'm just burned out? maybe its the fact that i can't go home home this whole quarter? maybe my cingulate gyrus decided to stop working? maybe i don't want to face the reality of finishing college? i don't know what it is lately, but i'm just not in the mood to get my shit done. i need motivation.

i may have lost all motivation to wake up for class but i have not lost the desire to hang out with these girls. i love them!

the beginning of the end.

this last week started the beginning of the end--my last quarter at UCI. it's a strange feeling wanting to take in every last moment on campus and cherish it with those around you. but it doesn't really help that the very minute i sat down in class, i was over it. i don't care much for learning about supply and demand or glycolysis, again. i just want to play all day. :) yesterday, i had the most perfect afternoon. a drive down pch at sunset, dark chocolate winter mint shakes at the shake shack, and a glass of wine &sushi at mosun...it was perfect. i have no real reason for blogging at the moment, minus the fact that i'm just waiting around our apartment to start getting ready for the women's basketball game later. i think i just feel the need to write and just be without editing. so just bare with me, i'm a bit of a hott mess this morning. the baked mussels i ate last night did not agree with my stomach :/

today is one of my best friend's birthday. miss kimmy chierichetti turns 22 today and i wish her the best birthday ever!! i really love all my friends. i really do. they are such beautiful, amazing people and lately with the prospect of possibly moving to san francisco or anywhere for that fact i've been realizing how much these people mean to me and how much they will be missed. so if you're reading this, you are probably my friend. and just know that i value our friendship and thank you for being in my life. :)

san francisco, here i come

i came back to irvine on sunday to work at the pharmacy. after work, i went a little overboard and searched far and long to rent the complete gossip girls season 1 dvd in order to get me through the next couple of days of lounging around my apartment waiting to go to work. three blockbusters later, i have the complete first season and it is so good. but anyways, i came back to irvine on sunday and received the best christmas present in my mail box. five thousand times better than my digital camera or housebunny on dvd. it was a letter from ucsf school of pharmacy inviting me to an interview on february 20th at 11:30AM.

ucsf is the #1 pharmacy school in the nation. every year there's 1600 applicants. they interview about 250 and accept 100. to even get the opportunity to interview is just beyond for me. i submitted this application last because i never thought in my wildest dreams i would ever have a chance, let alone get an interview. i screamed and jumped around like a crazy person in my apartment. i called my parents, my pharmacist, my best friends. i think i've talked everyone's ear off about it. i don't know how this happened and i seriously think i need someone to pinch me. this is such a dream come true.

i never saw myself in san francisco, but i'm starting to think i can. it's time to grow up. i'm still waiting to hear from the other six schools i applied to, but for now i will live by the rule that "no news is good news." it's all starting to happen. ah!