free write.

it's been awhile mr. blog. i almost don't even know what to write about or where to start.

i know that right now i'm in this weird phase of my life. not really knowing what's next or where i'm headed. maybe a rough patch? i don't know. it's not all bad. it's become more clear recently how much i really want to go into pharmacy. what aspect of it i'm not sure 100% sure, but my 8 hours days in the pharmacy everyday have assured me that this is what i want to do and where i need to be. i've also learned i like to teach. we've been having pharmacy technician students who go to these vocational schools come do their externship hours and it's part of my responsibility on their first couple of days in the pharmacy to make sure they know what they are doing. i have some hopeless students but there are the ones that slowly but surely start to get it. and just knowing that i helped along the way feels good and if they show some potential, we might even put in a good word for them to get a job at a CVS somewhere. i've kind of assumed the role of lead pharmacy technician at our store with jane on maternity leave and it's nice being able to solve all the complicated insurance rejections and deal with our tough customers. i especially enjoy seeing our regulars come in and not even have to ask their DOB or telephone numbers. i love being able to help a customer that is sick or in pain and be able to get their meds out quicker than expected. i love surprising customers without insurance with discount cards and coupons to save them money. i love spending hours on the phone with insurance companies working on prior authorizations and seeing that my hard work pays off and that the medication is covered. that is why i love working in the pharmacy. i really really hope and pray that ucsf works out this year. i want this so bad.

something that is changing or has changed is dance to me. the more that things become more clear as to what i want to do with my life, the more blurred my other so-called passions have become. i don't know if i want to come back to km next year. it's something i've been struggling with for the past couple of months now that the year is almost over and it's time to pick new coords. it's just been lingering in my head. i've made a list of pros and cons but i haven't made a decision yet. it's almost too complicated to explain. i do know that i love this team and every single person on it--especially my newbie class. that i know without a doubt. but dancing has changed for me and it hasn't felt the same in a long time. so january&vibe is a big deciding factor as to whether i decide to audition again or not. maybe this is all just a part of growing up?

lately i've learned that i did make the right decision in staying in irvine. that i do know. so many times since i've decided to stay i've thought about moving back home to simi. partly to retreat from the big, scary real world and all its responsibilities but i know that i can't. it's overwhelming at times but i need to prove to myself that i can do this. life is too different at home now. i love my friends back at home but we've grown apart too much. it's nice to see them and reconnect every once in awhile, but i don't think they get or understand me nearly as well as the friends i've made in irvine. recently, i took a trip to vegas with some of my closest friends. and it was seriously one of the best trips of my life. i could go anywhere with them and have so much fun. it was the simple things that meant the most about that trip. the company, the meals prepared together, the conversation&laughs we shared. i hope to have trips like that more often. i'm hoping to plan a trip to san francisco&napa sometime between christmas and new years. i really do love my friends. they're amazing. they might not know it but they're helping me get through this rough patch.

&without getting into it too much, i'm single. i don't think i'm ready to date, but i'm not closed to the idea. i just want a cute boy to take care of me. haha :)

it's time to go to work. and make more money to pay for the damage of my retail therapy.