"Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up." --Grey's Anatomy
i don't care that no one watches the show anymore. i still do and i still get the warm and fuzzies.
spring break has come and gone and it was definitely a much needed break. a little bit of a rollercoaster because i heard back from ucsf and touro. i was waitlisted at ucsf and i am #14 on the waitlist and i was accepted at touro. it was such a bittersweet day because the letters arrived on the same day. the end result was a tearful cry to my mom to just vent and let it all out. it was a mixed emotion of sadness, disappointment, failure, and exhaustion. the last 6 months of waiting hell will continue for 3 more months. at any moment, they could call and i could have a spot in the class of 2013. but the waitlist will stay open until the first day of class in september so really, it's just more waiting and staying positive...at the time the letters came i had this sense of "i don't think i have it in me to re-apply" and i was thinking really hard about going to touro even though i hated my visit during my interview. but giving myself a week and a half to really think it through, i've decided to defer my acceptance at touro and wait it out at ucsf. i feel like i've come so far and got so close and i've realized where i really want to be that i'm willing to wait it out for the summer or even wait a year and re-apply. the process is seriously draining, but i feel like my application has gotten stronger and i know i can tighten my essays and maybe retake a class to show ucsf how bad i want this. i applied to ucsf without giving much thought to my essays because for me, i thought it was a longshot so knowing i have a chance this time around makes me want it even more.
so now it's just time to pick up the pieces and work even harder. my focus right now is on re-applying because i can't just sit around sulking about the waitlist--it just won't do me any good. i went through my little trauma. i got a little messed up but now it's time to step up and move forward.
& i'm going to have a spfamily to look forward to. :)
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
it's closing time.
it's been one hell of a month.
today was the last day of my undergraduate education. it was rather anticlimactic. i envisioned running out my class with a big smile on my face, perhaps jumping for joy--but no. my classes are done but i still have finals to conquer. i haven't been doing as well in my classes as i'd like but with everything going on i can't help but slack a little.
i interviewed at touro university &it didn't go as well as i hoped either. the campus lacked the energy and life that i felt at ucsf. i'm really hoping and praying for the best at ucsf. at this point it really is my only option. this application process has been such an emotional rollercoaster and i don't recommend it for the light-hearted. although, i do i think it's made me a stronger person. rejection is definitely tough but it's made my skin that much thicker. if i got an interview at ucsf, something is telling me that the #1 ranked pharmacy school in the nation saw potential in me to become a pharmacist one day. i'm just trying to stay positive about everything and i won't give up no matter what. i believe God has a plan for me and now, the rest is up to Him.
in the midst of all the pharmacy school rejections, i've accomplished two goals i set out to accomplish at the end of last year--kaba modern and spop staff returner! this year is truly turning out to be an amazing one and i don't know how it could get any better. kaba modern is a dream come true. honestly, to be surrounded and to learn from all the talented dancers on the team has been such a humbling experience. at times its been a struggle trying to pick up choreo and clean my ballerina body, but i'm starting to get the sense of what they mean when talk about the team as "family." our debut performance as the 2009 team is tonight and i'm more excited and nervous than ever. SPOP is also just around the corner. it's unreal that it's been a whole year since GOLD YEAR. i was on the fence about doing SPOP again this summer for different reasons but opening that e-mail sent that energy and passion through me all over again. i'm ready for a family, a hubby, a new color, a new set of freshman.
this year has been truly amazing so far and i can't imagine where it will go from here. if there was one thing i could change, it would be the lack of my parent's support. they don't want me in irvine for the summer. they would rather have me at home working, but to me moving back to simi valley would be taking two steps back from where i'm headed. i know it will save them money, but if i move back home i will sit around and do alot of nothing and i won't let that happen. i have 3 months to start saving up to pay everything on my own. i want to prove to them and myself that i can do it. if there is a will, there is a way. i just want their support and approval in everything i do and it just breaks my heart that i won't have it this summer. i know this might sound like a selfish statement, but it's just my rationale. i just feel like i've worked really hard my last 4 years and i've even saved them $3000 by graduating a quarter early so i feel like the least they can do is support me financially for three more months. so if anybody has a couch available this summer, i might need it.
today was the last day of my undergraduate education. it was rather anticlimactic. i envisioned running out my class with a big smile on my face, perhaps jumping for joy--but no. my classes are done but i still have finals to conquer. i haven't been doing as well in my classes as i'd like but with everything going on i can't help but slack a little.
i interviewed at touro university &it didn't go as well as i hoped either. the campus lacked the energy and life that i felt at ucsf. i'm really hoping and praying for the best at ucsf. at this point it really is my only option. this application process has been such an emotional rollercoaster and i don't recommend it for the light-hearted. although, i do i think it's made me a stronger person. rejection is definitely tough but it's made my skin that much thicker. if i got an interview at ucsf, something is telling me that the #1 ranked pharmacy school in the nation saw potential in me to become a pharmacist one day. i'm just trying to stay positive about everything and i won't give up no matter what. i believe God has a plan for me and now, the rest is up to Him.
in the midst of all the pharmacy school rejections, i've accomplished two goals i set out to accomplish at the end of last year--kaba modern and spop staff returner! this year is truly turning out to be an amazing one and i don't know how it could get any better. kaba modern is a dream come true. honestly, to be surrounded and to learn from all the talented dancers on the team has been such a humbling experience. at times its been a struggle trying to pick up choreo and clean my ballerina body, but i'm starting to get the sense of what they mean when talk about the team as "family." our debut performance as the 2009 team is tonight and i'm more excited and nervous than ever. SPOP is also just around the corner. it's unreal that it's been a whole year since GOLD YEAR. i was on the fence about doing SPOP again this summer for different reasons but opening that e-mail sent that energy and passion through me all over again. i'm ready for a family, a hubby, a new color, a new set of freshman.
this year has been truly amazing so far and i can't imagine where it will go from here. if there was one thing i could change, it would be the lack of my parent's support. they don't want me in irvine for the summer. they would rather have me at home working, but to me moving back to simi valley would be taking two steps back from where i'm headed. i know it will save them money, but if i move back home i will sit around and do alot of nothing and i won't let that happen. i have 3 months to start saving up to pay everything on my own. i want to prove to them and myself that i can do it. if there is a will, there is a way. i just want their support and approval in everything i do and it just breaks my heart that i won't have it this summer. i know this might sound like a selfish statement, but it's just my rationale. i just feel like i've worked really hard my last 4 years and i've even saved them $3000 by graduating a quarter early so i feel like the least they can do is support me financially for three more months. so if anybody has a couch available this summer, i might need it.
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