things i have learned.

so this is coming from a place of procrastination and a slight bit of welcomed boredom.

my year off has been pretty significant to me in ways that most people will never know. for me, i just wanted to document the things i have learned that i don't think i would have if i didn't take a year off from school.

1. i am emotionally stronger than i thought but i am not immune to emotional breakdowns.
2. this year has taught me to keep pushing myself. it took alot for me to go through the application cycle again without any guarantee that i would even get in anywhere but i'm so glad i did.
3. i have learned to budget, manage, and save my money more. i am one of the lucky few who have not had to rely on student loans for my undergrad but i know i am looking forward to being almost $160,000+ in debt after school. i really wanted to test myself and see how much money i could save. i have successfully saved almost $3,000. woo!
4. hard work will always pay off.
5. i will really miss dancing.
6. i love my parents so much. alot of family and family friends my parents' age are starting to croak. and i know this is a little morbid but every time i hear about another death or terminal illness, the first people i think about are my parents and what it would be like to lose them. it makes my stomach turn every time. i hope that whatever income i make as a pharmacist will allow me to take care of my parents.
7. i am really excited to go into pharmacy. i know my current job gives me a taste, but it's become a little robotic. i know i'm good at what i do but i'm looking for something different. i know i don't want to go into retail immediately--maybe, clinical work or pharmaceutical research. i know there's so much more to learn and i can't wait. i feel beyond blessed that i've found a job and a career that i love.
8. i miss studying and learning.
9. i am attached to my life in irvine. it hurts a little to think about letting it go.
10. my friends back in simi valley aren't the same anymore & i don't know if i fit in anymore.
11. patience is a virtue.
12. "if you don't have anything nice or worth saying, don't say it all." my mom has told me this over and over again and i've applied it more this year than ever before.
13. i don't work well with lazy people.
14. sometimes i take myself too seriously.
15. i still have some letting go to do.
16. i am still scared to live alone.
17. i don't know how i ever lived without tea and coffee before.
18. i've been thinking about going into some area of teaching or management after i get my Pharm.D
19. i don't have good luck with cars so i've decided i need to live in a place where public transportation is accessible.
20. i am excited for a wardrobe change--both in a casual and professional sense.

i love oprah.

"The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be. Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you. The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become. Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure." -Oprah.

i am going to be a pharmacist.

i feel like this last year has been the ultimate test of my patience. i am not the type of person who likes to wait for anything. actually i take that back, i can handle waiting for my food, my hazelnut latte, or holding on the phone for a prior authorization representative to help me with a patient's insurance problem. but life-changing decisions, i'm not a big fan of waiting for those. i've had moments of complete weakness and self-doubt that maybe this wasn't meant to happen but now the wait is finally over and i can finally breathe a little. i am going to UCSF SCHOOL OF PHARMACY in september. i cried for a good five minutes when i opened the letter. i really tried to imagine how i would react if i got accepted or rejected and this is definitely not what i imagined. i just cried and said OH MY GOD repeatedly at least 100 times. the call to my parents after was filled again with many "oh my gods" and "is this really real?" i don't know if i'll really believe this is real until i am actually there.

it's times like these that make me appreciate all the things around me. every time i think about how unreal it is that i will be going to ucsf and moving to san francisco i get overly excited and do a little happy dance inside my head. but my happy dance is also followed by a wave of sadness because there is alot i'm leaving behind in irvine and simi valley. my family, my friends, my returningloves, my KM, my pharmacy. it's alot and i know there is a bigger future for me in sf but there is a bittersweet sadness that lingers whenever i just take a moment to take everything in.

this year off has taught me so much. it could be a whole other post and i will save that for another day. but for now all i can say is that i am beyond content with life. nothing can top this feeling and i thank God for this opportunity. i just feel really really blessed. i don't know if anybody questions this but how is it that this can happen to me (or you)? like it sounds really selfish of me to even question but for the most part i've gotten everything i've ever wanted. i've been told by alot of people that i have "the perfect life." i really don't believe that i have the perfect life. but one thing i do believe is that hard work does pay off. and to me, this is just another example of hard work paying off. a very surreal example--somebody pinch me.

to add to all this good news, the cole haan bag i've been saving up for months now is finally on sale, such perfect timing it's bananas. it will be my gift to myself.