san francisco, here i come

i came back to irvine on sunday to work at the pharmacy. after work, i went a little overboard and searched far and long to rent the complete gossip girls season 1 dvd in order to get me through the next couple of days of lounging around my apartment waiting to go to work. three blockbusters later, i have the complete first season and it is so good. but anyways, i came back to irvine on sunday and received the best christmas present in my mail box. five thousand times better than my digital camera or housebunny on dvd. it was a letter from ucsf school of pharmacy inviting me to an interview on february 20th at 11:30AM.

ucsf is the #1 pharmacy school in the nation. every year there's 1600 applicants. they interview about 250 and accept 100. to even get the opportunity to interview is just beyond for me. i submitted this application last because i never thought in my wildest dreams i would ever have a chance, let alone get an interview. i screamed and jumped around like a crazy person in my apartment. i called my parents, my pharmacist, my best friends. i think i've talked everyone's ear off about it. i don't know how this happened and i seriously think i need someone to pinch me. this is such a dream come true.

i never saw myself in san francisco, but i'm starting to think i can. it's time to grow up. i'm still waiting to hear from the other six schools i applied to, but for now i will live by the rule that "no news is good news." it's all starting to happen. ah!

chin up, kiddo.

the last few months have been rough, i will admit. i came out of summer on such a high with the whole SPOP experience under my belt and the relief of finishing pharmacy school applications, but i wasn't prepared for the sick-to-my-stomach, can't-move-can't-think paralysis that ensues every time i think about what's next and what the future holds. i'm so worried about getting into a school and so worried about where life will take me that i feel like i haven't had time to focus on the positives about next year.

i was talking to one of my "cousins"/family friends who applied for law school and is also undergoing this torturous "waiting process." i'm so relieved to know that i'm not the only one who feels like waiting to hear from schools is actually more stressful than actually applying. i was so happy to hear her say she gets "angry" and i too, get "angry" in only a way that a med school, law school, dental school, etc. applicant can understand. it's really this sense of being on-edge not knowing what is next. is the next letter in the mail going to be an invitation for an interview or a rejection letter? stressing about my personal statement in no way compares to the stress that follows once you submit your application. i guess i was just expecting a sense of relief after i submitted but i was only met with what seems like double the stress. maybe it just seems more stressful than it really is or should be because being the OCD person i am, i always like to know where i'm headed and what's next. and when i don't know, i feel like i'm out of control and my life is crazy. i know the only remedy to the situation is to just be more patient with this process but i swear ever since i was little, my biggest downfall has been patience. to this day, i have to remind myself to stop, breathe, take it all in, and let it go.

unfortunately, i think i've let this whole application process and the uncertainties of next year get to me. and i'm starting to realize that instead of worrying about next year and what may happen i really need to just focus on the positives of next year. in a little over a week, i will be starting my last quarter at UCI. these last four years have gone by faster than i could have imagined and i could not have asked for a better experience. i accomplished things i never would have imagined myself doing and i feel very lucky to come out with such an amazing college experience. next year's plans include applying for SPOP returner, as well as auditioning for kaba modern. i know that whatever happens next year in terms of these opportunities will be somewhat life changing. SPOP has a special place in my heart that only those who have done the program understand. i am beyond content with my GOLD YEAR experience, but i know i would regret not applying and giving it one more go to give back to a school and a community that has fostered my growth in more ways than one. kaba modern has been a team that i've watched since i first came to UCI. the dancers, past and present, inspire me to be a better dancer. my "cousin" ria introduced me to them since she was so heavily involved with kababayan and this year, after a failed attempt my first year and much encouragement from steph and kelli, i am going to tryout. i never did hip hop during my 15+ years of training at a studio. all i did was ballet, lyrical, and jazz...afraid to try anything else. crazy how things have changed!

so for now, i will keep my head up and try my best to be excited for next year...whatever it is that happens. i've been blessed with good health, a good family, and good friends. i just need to take the time to smell the roses.

patience. patience. patience,


as for my love life, its a disaster. but i will save that for next time.

high on life.

SPOP 7 could not have gone any more perfect. SPOP 2 (OTERO::cp phil, stacy, sonia, claire, belinda, ben, and michelle) , 3 (PUENTE::cp nick!!!, jeff, angie, esther, and sarah b.) and 4 (OTERO::cp brett, mo, jeremy, cat, and belen) were all amazing but i was a little concerned going into SPOP 7 because it was MTLO (maybe the last one) so i just decided to just go for it and make the best out of it. i staffed with cp brett, andy chung, ben kaska, leslie akizuki, and anthony thai. our spoppers weren't the loudest but really who cares. it was the first time i had more fun chilling with them rather than playing games and getting them riled up. at cha i can usually be found playing "little susie walker" or "dance off" but this time i just hung out with julia and alex from the (805), boy-crazy melissa and michelle from palos verde, and the lere TWINS just to name the few i can remember. it was just refreshing to get more one-on-one time with the spoppers rather than just games in big groups. i loved it.

SPolympics was absolutely epic. we did a little mixer with CUESTA (cp jesse, emily, belinda, paulo, angie m., and jason kim) and the spoppers were so creative with every task we gave them. i will NEVER EVER EVER forget shay's proposal. i remember my first encounter with shay was during lunch and it was probably just the usual awkward casualties of first encounters but he was terribly shy and didn't say much. to see his proposal and how into it he got was incredible. the beast truly came out in him. patrick from cuesta was pretty legit too. his proposal to jason kim was HILARIOUS! fashion show and impersonations were ridiculous. i was starting to die off waiting for the spoppers to finish their tasks but their energy seriously kept me up til 4AM.

the talent show for SPOP 7 was just AMAZING. the feedback we received was really good. SPok go! was so so so good. their facials and choreo..aaahhh!!! this talent show was also the debut of SPo YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE! and it went pretty well for the first time. props to harry, yoon, and wes. they stole the show and made it so worth doing! just overall, alot of the staff was saying that SPOP 7 was the most entertaining of the talent shows and to be a part of it was so much fun!

most of the hall ended up checking out early but listening to their comments about the program and about coming to UCI in the fall during hall closing was very uplifting. i feel like i could go on and on about this experience but some i'll save for my brain.

tomorrow is disneyland for my brother's birthday and i can't wait because i haven't been in YEARRSSS!! :)

reality check.

...

anyways, yesterday SPOP 5.5 went to SAN DIEGO!!! we shot a music video to afternoon delight, ate the most amazing filipino food, and smoked hookah downtown. couldn't have been more perfect! a big thank you to paulo's parents for their hospitality. i love filipino parents. seriously. my little week and a half break is very much needed from SPOP. definitely has given me time to recuperate and center myself a little bit more if that even makes sense.

tomorrow i plan on finishing my personal statement. then i just have to confirm one letter of recommendation, enter my coursework, mail in my transcripts...AND I'M DONE WITH MY PHARMCAS APPLICATION!!!!! holyyyy shit! i just have small things to do here and there for all the supplementals but i'm just about done. and now i will just have this nervous feeling in my gut til about december/january when we start hearing about interviews. good lord i am STRESSED!!!

continue to grow. continue to love. continue to change.

pace yourself.

so i am home for the weekend in hopes of trying to gather myself, catch up on all the little things i need to get done, and just relax a little bit. there are so many things i need to do and i hate not feeling on top of my shit. i realized how much i hate not being prepared. my speech last thursday did not go too well due to my own lack of preparation. i know i'm not deathly afraid to speak in front of people but just my lack of preparation made me forget everything i was supposed to say. before i knew it my speech was over and i don't think it even reached 2 minutes. oh well. i'll just do better on the next four speeches hopefully.

SPOP has been seriously so amazing and one of the most rewarding experiences. i truly don't know what i did to deserve this. i've been blessed to staff with some of my favorite people and for that i am very thankful. seeing the fear and uncertainty in the spopper's eyes turn into joy and excitement is so rewarding. i would seriously do anything to calm their fears about coming to UCI. i've had the privilege of staffing SPOP 2: O.G. Oterror Squad and SPOP 3: The Poopstars of POO POO POOENTE and i just found out i'm staffing SPOP 4!!! :) after that i'm not staffing until SPOP 7 so i'll get a little bit of a break. staffing back-to-back is definitely draining, but so worth it and i've learned how to pace myself during SPOP so i am not as tired at the end of the day.

i really need to re-focus on my pharmacy school applications. i really want to be done with everything by the end of july. BAH. i am stressed. woo. i've got alot to do. my stomach is growling so time for breakfast. 4real. hahaha :)

i love cereal.

i have a problem.

i am addicted to cereal. are there 12-step programs to fix this? it suffices as a meal at anytime of the day. i am constantly rotating at least 5-6 boxes of cereal. fruity pebbles, honey comb, honey bunches of oats, honey nut cheerios, special K vanilla almond, gorilla munch...the list is seriously endless. this shit is so good. and i always wanted to be that kid on the life cereal box but i think its too late for that.



























amazing.

back to blogging.

i really missed blogging and having a way to just let out whatever is going on up there. i read my high school livejournal awhile ago and realized how stupid i sounded getting stressed over meaningless things but to see how much i've grown is crazy.

i really wanted to start a blog this summer to hold on to the memories and new experiences to be had. summer has only begun and i just know its going to be a summer i'll never forget. i've met people who i'm constantly smiling and laughing with and that's enough to keep me going with the longest, most dreadful public speaking course i am taking at IVC and the intensity of applying for pharmacy school. waahh! my goal for this summer is really to have the time of my life while still staying focused on my goals and the life i must return to after SPOP.

but as for now, i absolutely cannot wait for this weekend. SPOP 2 is so the new SPOP 1!! :)